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Literature Text
Violent tears
the sound of all those wasted years come back to me
refract to me
Drenching me in rain.
Wasted years
spent crying and dying and lying to oneself
lying to myself,
Drowning me in pain.
Lying
the dancing art of give and take
where blood is the paint and art is what you make of it
take from it
Driving me insane.
Rain down upon me
down on this haggard soul.
Wash away this pain from me
And let me breathe forevermore.
Soak my heart in white rose tea
let it grow to full extent
and sing to it a symphony
of love without regret.
the sound of all those wasted years come back to me
refract to me
Drenching me in rain.
Wasted years
spent crying and dying and lying to oneself
lying to myself,
Drowning me in pain.
Lying
the dancing art of give and take
where blood is the paint and art is what you make of it
take from it
Driving me insane.
Rain down upon me
down on this haggard soul.
Wash away this pain from me
And let me breathe forevermore.
Soak my heart in white rose tea
let it grow to full extent
and sing to it a symphony
of love without regret.
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I wanted to experiment with a different format.
Feedback please:
Is the structure effective? Is it clearly executed?
Does the imagery work?
Any other critcisms?
Thank you. ^-^
Critique for
[link]
Feedback please:
Is the structure effective? Is it clearly executed? Does the imagery work? Any other critcisms?Thank you. ^-^
Critique for
[link]
© 2011 - 2024 frozen-fyre
Comments23
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i enjoyed the poem. i think the structure is intersting. and i really enjoyed the imagery, it's very bittersweet. even though this girl has gone though so much pain and heartbreak you can tell she can still see beauty in the world. i think it's a fine poem, great job.